1. Collaboration is the only way to win.

We don’t have the luxury of being “lone rangers” or treating other pro-life groups as competitors. Our real competition is the abortion industry and a culture that devalues human life. When we share our stories, we should do it in a way that lifts up the entire movement, rather than trying to prop ourselves up at someone else’s expense.

2. Your story has a purpose beyond personal recognition.

True leadership is about being a servant leader. This means recognizing that your story is a tool to be used for a greater mission, not a way to feed your own ego or get celebrated. If we stay focused on the actual reason we’re doing this work—because children are dying and women are being hurt—it’s easier to maintain the humility needed to be effective.

3. Protect the mission during conflict.

Infighting happens because we’re human, but how we respond matters more than the conflict itself. If someone misuses your story or “steals” an idea, take time to cool down before you respond. Ask yourself if a public fight would damage the movement more than the original offense. Integrity means doing the right thing for the cause, even when you feel personally slighted.

Special considerations: gatekeeping, jealousy, attribution, and being a servant leader

Stories are one of the most powerful forms of communication. We can save lives more effectively with stories than with any other tool. Stories change hearts and reveal vulnerabilities.

We need to not only understand the power of stories, but also know how to use them responsibly, recognizing the importance of maintaining humility.

Your story matters. Other people’s stories matter too.

Leading with humility

Humility is the mark of a good leader.

Humility doesn’t mean being a doormat or being meek and getting trampled over. Humility is recognizing who and what you are and who and what you’re not. Humility is you recognizing that you have been given a gift and realizing that your story has a greater purpose than personal recognition and being celebrated.

The most effective pro-life leaders, the ones who save the most lives, are servant leaders. Pro-lifers need a sense of purpose and vision that supersedes their egos. Ask yourself: What am I in this for? Why do I do this work? If you’re doing this because children are dying and women are being hurt, let that inform everything you do.

As servant leaders, we can use our stories in a way that empowers others, that calls them to sacrificial service, that lights them up and reaches areas that would never have been moved just by trying to reach their rational minds.

Dealing with jealousy

We need to recognize why someone else might be jealous of the way we tell stories. Some people are concerned that their story won’t get attention if someone else’s story takes center stage. They may feel like they lived it and others can’t possibly understand, so they’re protective of their own stories.

Use your stories, not only your personal story, but the stories you encounter, responsibly and in a way that shares credit with everyone involved. You’ll make mistakes, but do your best to shed light on everyone who participated in that story. Use the story to lift everyone up.

Dealing with critics

If you have a story, share it, and don’t worry about how other people will perceive it. Do your best to be fair to everyone involved, but don’t torment yourself. Realize that you will always have critics.

Remember: it’s not the critic who counts. There are always going to be some people who resent the way you tell stories or who are critical of your story. Maybe your story threatens someone’s livelihood because they work in the abortion industry. Maybe your story demonstrates a victory they feel they can’t compete with. Don’t let that hold you back from sharing your story.

Most often, when someone resents your story, it’s because of fear and insecurity. If you allow yourself to dwell on that, it will consume you and hold you back. Share the story, and realize that it’s not about you. It’s not even about the people that you’re sharing with. It’s about lifting up the entire movement. You are trying to illuminate truth.

Remembering to take care of yourself

As people who have a passion for the pro-life movement, we need to balance our stories with our own personal well-being. Set healthy professional and emotional boundaries and guardrails, so that sharing your story doesn’t further traumatize you. Consider and discern: Is the time right for me to share all aspects of my story?

Not everybody is meant to run around the country telling stories. You may have to hold your story back for now and find the right time to share that story, when it doesn’t come at the expense of your emotional and spiritual health.

If at any point, sharing your story creates further trauma for you, step back. Don’t feel that you’re letting the movement down. Your story is only part of a much greater story.

Obtaining permission and giving attribution

Make sure to get permission from those involved in your story and share it in a way that they are OK with. Illustrate all the different pieces as best as you can. Do your best to acknowledge all the different people involved and frame your story with humility. Don’t be afraid to share your fears and challenges, because that vulnerability actually connects with people.

We need to remember that there are many parts of the pro-life movement, which come together to achieve change. Your organization probably isn’t the only one that can take credit for a pro-life success. Share credit where credit is due.

Emphasizing collaboration over competition

Our goal should be to help other pro-life leaders and organizations and work to achieve unity in mindset. We can do much greater good together than individually.

As pro-lifers, we need to stop fragmenting our work and viewing one another as competitors. Our competitors are Planned Parenthood, the abortion industry, and a culture that is destroying human life in the United States. We don’t have the luxury of being lone rangers and competing with one another. We must work together. Standing alone, we will be defeated. Standing together, we can achieve greater good. As you share your story, do it in a way that lifts up the greater good of the movement.

Dealing with arguments, rifts, and betrayals

Arguments and infighting happen, because we’re all human, and our egos and pride get in the way. The greatest opportunities that you will have to demonstrate your leadership, your character, and your strength are how you respond when things get challenging. Do you respond with grace and strength? Or do you respond with vindictiveness and bitterness?

You might have a situation where you’re betrayed, where you’re pushed aside or cast out, where somebody steals an idea, or where somebody’s using your story without attribution. If you are a person of faith, pray through these situations. If you’re not, seek wise counsel.

Before you lash out in anger, assess: Is this worth investing my time and energy? Should I confront the other person, or should I let it go? Could this damage the pro-life movement if it became public?

Walk away and give yourself time to cool down. When you’re calm, reach out privately, apologize if you feel you’ve wronged someone, and do what you can to mend damage and build bridges.

Remember: Leaders of integrity expect to be respected, but when they’re not, they continue to do what they need to do, and they’ll be respected more as they press forward and do what’s right, even when it’s not easy.

Final thoughts

Share your story to whatever level you can within healthy boundaries. Share it in a way that amplifies and helps our mission. In the post-Roe environment, our movement urgently needs pro-lifers to collaborate, not compete. We urgently need stories that lift up the good of the movement, not stories where we try to prop ourselves up at the expense of somebody else.

Never underestimate how powerful your story and every story can be. Treat it with great responsibility. And recognize that true leadership isn’t about how many people follow you, it’s about how many you lift up. Use your story to lift people up, to lift the movement up, and to help achieve more lifesaving victories.

Your story matters. The work you’re doing matters. You have a unique, special, irreplaceable role in this movement. Don’t let the naysayers and critics hold you back from doing that which you are uniquely tasked with doing. We need you, now more than ever.